I hate all of the classmates, especially when all of them
chatted in class so loudly that I couldn’t even get the least understanding of what the instructor have said. My anger reached the unmeasurable degree when all of them neglected other classmates’ right of receiving the lecture, not caring about the original aim of entering college. This kept me wondering why I chose Wenzao as my four-year academic life. Time flies. Still I hold the hatred toward all the members in class till now. Not because they did something actually evil to me, but their attitude disgusted me a lot. The only thing I realize is that I am so regretful to study in Wenzao because of the peer environment.
Indeed, I once thought I could get along with them well , but the truth always tore my dream apart each time I sat in the front, not able to concentrate because the noise from the back seats remained blocking my ears no matter how hard I tried to focus on the teacher’s words. It’s been three years, even so I couldn’t figure out how I struggle to sit in the classroom without killing others.
In the very beginning of my school life, I was at first so excited to study here in Wenzao because its fame and the excellent language-learning environment. With this high expectation I felt extremely disappointed. I thought the subject I attend would sharpen my English skills, but somehow I came to realize that everything I heard and saw have already been taught by my previous English teacher in Hualien Senior High School. All the grammars, phrases, and vocabulary I took for granted, was totally foreign to my classmates. At that moment, I found myself standing in an isolated island without anyone to communicate with. My ideal learning environment didn’t even exist, at least not here. So I decided to be indifferent. But the situation got worse when I was a sophomore.
Foolish enough, I thought I could just play death to all the classmates’ buzzing chatting sounds. As a consequence, I kept it a rule to practice the tips of avoiding being distracted by others every single class hour. I, again, failed to do so because it seemed that they really enjoyed their conversation more and more. The failure dramatically turned out to be the shouting anger which burst out loud when I eventually couldn’t bear it anymore. It was the writing class, just as the way they used to be, and merely of us were discussing the exercises with the teacher. My voice was devoured by such annoying play and laughing noises that the discussion was interrupted three times. There was a sudden fierce anger striking my head. I, all of a sudden, stood up and shouted at those who were chatting” If you don’t want to be here, just go home and wait for your death!” The silence which I have been praying for the whole year eventually pities me and hear my beg. All the members were stunned like they were hit by the thunderbolt. But the peace didn't last long.
Now I am a junior, and I am indifferent to everything in class because I can't find a least sense of identity. How I wish I had it to let me enjoy being one of the members in this class. But still, like my dream in the very beginning, it is just nothing but a disillusion.
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